Laying the Smakethdown: Uzumaki Style
by Vesvius
Summary: A gift from the Sandaime leads to Naruto defeating his enemies in ways previously thought impossible! Wrester!Naruto. WARNING: Check Sanity at the Door.
1. Checking into THAT hotel

A/N: Well, let's get right down to this.

This is a new/old story that has been worked on for a while by myself and a bunch of other TFFers about Naruto becoming heavily influenced by pro wrestlers after a gift of Video Tapes. Each chapter will be a scene. They will vary in length and quality, and most of them are highly disjointed, but each one is amusing to me.

Everything posted here is either writen by me or posted with permission. If it's not done by me, I'll post who the author is at the top of the snip.

--

The third Hokage had a bit of a problem. It wasn't a major problem by any stretch of the imagination, but it was certainly headache-inducing. The problem wasn't the fault of any ninja at all, not even missing nin or ones from foreign villages. No, the problem stemmed from their new security measures, something called 'Video Surveillance'.

Video Surveillance was a new and ground breaking security measure. With it, no longer would shinobi have to spend hours watching different sections of their village. No, they could just sit in a comfortable room, watching video readouts of various sectors. But Video Surveillance needed three things to work: a camera, a monitor, and a blank video tape. It was with the third part that Sarutobi had the problem.

He had installed the cameras in every worthwhile place he could think of, and placed the central viewing room in the tower in the Forest of Death. But he simply hadn't ordered enough video tapes from the supplier! He could tape over old data, of course, but what if those old tapes had some critical if overlooked information? Taping over it could cause large gaps in their intelligence, and that was something Sartuobi wanted to avoid at all costs.

So here he was, on a Saturday no less, pouring over brightly colored catalogues for various brands of Video Tape. There were far too many brands and types for his comfort, so eventually, he was forced to do what almost every other shinobi did: rely on blind luck. With one hand over his eyes, Sarutobi blindly poked one place on the open paper. Opening his eyes, he saw that he had apparently chosen to import the video tape. It would take longer to get there, but it would be better then the cheap stuff he would find around here.

The days passed and life went on in Konohagakure. Ninja went on missions and came back from them. Naruto pulled prank after prank on the unsuspecting village. Dogs barked, cats meowed, and Gai screamed about his youth. Then, finally, one day before the most recent class was slated to take their genin exam, it arrived. The video tape arrived at the Hokage tower, much to the delight of the shinobi who had gotten accustomed to watching the village from a comfortable room with coffee.

As Sarutobi looked at his purchase, he was slightly confused. Not only were there the one thousand video cassettes he had ordered, but there were another twenty on top. The additional twenty were brightly wrapped and labeled, and there was a note on top of them. Picking it up, Sarutobi read the note out loud to himself. "Thank you for your purchase of our award winning video cassettes. In thanks for your order, and the quantity of your order, we have taken some of our other best selling videos and included them, free of charge. Thank you for ordering, and we hope to hear from you again!"

Sarutobi shook his head a bit. He was much too busy to watch any recreational videos, and he had no interest in what was on the covers anyway. 'He might have some interest in these!' Sarutobi realized. 'They're loud, flashy, and seem to feature many explosions. Besides, Naruto needs something to take his mind off of the stress of the genin exam.' Sarutobi gathered the videos in a box, and began walking towards the apartment he had leased for Naruto so long ago.

--

Late that night, Naruto finally got home. It had been a very, VERY long day. Not only had he been caught doing his greatest masterpiece on the Hokage monument, but Iruka had caught him and forced him to do a transformation test, then taken him out for ramen. Then there had been a little bunshin practice, but his clones still looked sickly and deformed.

But Naruto's exhaustion seemed to melt away as he saw a large box of video tapes in his living room, right next to the Television the Hokage had given him for his birthday. A note taped to the TV read Naruto, I thought you might enjoy these. From the Old Man. Naruto laughed, and sat down on the couch, preparing to watch what the old village leader had given him. The video slid in, and it began to play.

"WELCOME! TO MONDAY NIGHT RAW!"

Naruto watched, entranced, as people entered a square combat arena, which seemed to be called a ring for some reason, and began to fight. These people were good. Very good. And the thousands of other people observing them were cheering. They were acknowledging everyone in the ring, and if they fought well, they were applauded. They were loud, and flashy, and had kick ass music!

Naruto had just found his new role models. He reached into his academy bag and pulled out a notebook, and began writing in it for the first time.

The next day was the day of the genin test. Naruto walked it, swaggering slightly, filled to the brim with confidence. Iruka looked at him, confused by the attitude. When he'd last left Naruto, he had practically been a bundle of nerves due to the impending test. Now, he was swaggering! Naruto did not swagger! "Naruto, please take your seat." He said, gesturing to Naruto's usual desk.

Surprisingly, instead of doing as Iruka said with a grumble, Naruto reached into his bag and grabbed one of his notebooks. Unlike when Iruka last saw that particular book, it was full of scribbling. Naruto flipped it open, and ran his finger down the lines. Seeming to find what he wanted, he hurriedly flipped to another page. His eyes lit up as he settled on the correct line.

The class watched with bated breath as Naruto put the notebook back in his bag. What would the class clown do now? Naruto raised his head, breathed in deeply, and exclaimed "FINALLY! UZUMAKI! HAS RETURNED! TO IRUKAS CLASSROOM!"

Kiba looked at him oddly, and shook his head. "Moron." He grunted out.

This only had the effect of Naruto changing the focus of his attention to the dog-themed shinobi. "Well, you see, Uzumaki would like to tell you a little story." For some reason, everyone was paying attention, on the edge of their seats as Naruto spoke. "Uzumaki was walking to the academy, this very academy, when he heard a strange sound. Now, Uzumaki knows that private life is supposed to be exactly that, private. But this sound, it hurt Uzumaki, so he had to figure out what it was."

Naruto continued with "And the Uzumaki! He looked to the left, he looked to the right! And then he saw it! One Inuzuka Kiba chasing a cat!" The entire class broke out into stifled laughter, but Naruto wasn't done yet, and he said as much. "No, no, it's very funny, and it sounds very funny, but Uzumaki is not done yet. That cat, he was so scared that he just went and jumped up a tree. Right up a goddamn tree! And the one Inuzuka Kiba? He lost interest. He sniffed the tree. Put his nose right up on the bark and sniffed it! Then he looked to the left. He looked to the right. He turned right around, and pissed right on that summbitch!"

As the class broke out into full blown laughter, Naruto went right up to Kiba, who was sputtering denials. "Now, Inuzuka Kiba, Uzumaki knows that you need to mark your territory. Uzumaki understands those primal urges. But if you ever, AND UZUMAKI MEANS EVER! Mark your territory anywhere near Uzumaki again, he will not hesitate to LAY THE SMACKETHDOWN ON YOUR CANDY ASS!"

Somehow, the atmosphere had changed from comical to serious, and Naruto reared his head back again, ready to finish his diatribe. "IF YOU SMELLLLLLLLLL! WHAT UZUMAKI! IS! COOKIN'!" With that, he sat down in his seat, acting as if nothing at all had happened.

As the class stared unabashed at Naruto, Iruka palmed his forehead. Something was cluing him in that it was going to be a very, VERY, long day.


	2. Let's get ready to SUCK IT!

A/N: This story is going to be updated randomly: I.E, whenever I feel like it. A great deal has been written, but not in sequential order. I mean, honestly, why bother banging my head against the desk trying to think of someone to fight Mizuki (Right now it's The Immortal Hulk Naruto) when there're so many better things to write (Like, say... anything really. I'm just sick of Mizuki).

Anyway, these chapters are not in any clear linear order. In fact, they're picked at random from the bunch that me and a bunch over at TFF have done. So don't expect it to go straight through the chronology. That's all I'm saying.

Today's chapter comes from the ever-talented Ant'Dog. Look him up when you get the chance.

It had been a long week for the Village Hidden in the Leaves. The Konoha residents who thought there was nothing more hideous than orange were proven wrong by the neon-green D-X painted on the Hokage Monument. "How did he find so much green paint, and the hell IS 'D-X,' anyway?" they asked themselves.

To their chagrin, the older citizens learned all about Degeneration-X.

Grocer Suzuki found his cucumbers replaced with similarly-shaped sexual toys and brochures testifying that he approved of them. Personally.  
Naruto's old orphanage manager discovered likenesses of herself in compromising positions with a donkey, several gerbils, and the Fire Lady's cat plastered all over Konoha.

And to their horror, others started to warm up to D-X.

"...lllllllllllllllet's get ready to SUCK IIIIIIIIT!!" The by-now familiar battle cry of one Uzumaki Naruto rang through the Forest of Death. Several of his Kage Bunshin echoed the cry, ready to take out the Rain genin. The original Naruto grinned ferally, and-

_Zzzip_

Puzzled, Naruto looked down to see Anko innocently undoing his jumpsuit. "Well, you _did_ say I should get ready to 'suck it.'"

"Yeah, but don't you think the timing's a bit awkward? I am about to beat someone's ass," replied a bemused Naruto.

He was promptly pulled aside by one of his Bunshin into a heated discussion ending in a fistbump. A chastened Naruto returned to Anko. "Sorry Anko-chan, he's absolutely right; there's _always_ time to 'suck it.' Shall we go?" Slinging her over his shoulder, Naruto turned to the nearest Bunshin. "You got these jackasses?" After receiving a smirk in response he promptly bounded over the stunned Rain nin, who promptly watched the way Anko's coat failed to cover her girls...

... and lowered his head just in time to receive Sweet Chin Music to the face, the crunching of mask and bone echoing throughout the forest. Stunned, the hapless genin staggered blindly into a kick to the gut from another Bunshin. Doubled over, the Rain nin found his arms bound behind his back before his face was driven into the hard ground, courtesy of a Pedigree.

The Kage Bunshin pulled out a can of paint.

The rest of the Rain genin team rushed into the clearing to find their teammate with 'DX' spray-painted on his limp form, and several Narutos standing over him celebrating with their arms crossed over their head. One turned to the newcomers, grinned, and yelled, "And if you're not down with that, we got two words for ya!"

The other Bunshin crotch-chopped before replying, "SUCK IT!"


	3. Enter the Legend Killer

A/N: Here comes the third scene for Laying the Smackethdown. It's one of my own, and comes from the second exam in the Chunin Exams. Ah... so many good scenes came out of that part of the manga.

This was actually the second scene completed, right after chapter one. Now: ENTER THE LEGEND KILLER!

* * *

The ninja who had just identified himself as Orochimaru hissed in victory as Sasuke went down, clutching the seal. Sakura looked on, shaking in fright as the snake ninja turned his attention to her. "Well, my little one." He snarled. "I just left Sasuke-kun a little present. Now he'll have a taste of the power he needs to kill his brother. For the rest-" Sadly for the snake themed ninja, he was distracted and never got to finish his monologue.

The reason for his distraction soon became quite apparent as Naruto staggered to his feet, the blue aura of his chakra surrounding him. The snake nin quickly hid his shocked look. He had hit the brat with a five-point elemental seal! That should have put him down for days! No one, except those with extensive knowledge of their chakra system, would have been able to get right up after that! Naruto tilted his head from side to side, seeming to relish the cracks it gave off.

"So," Naruto said, his cold tone a surprise to both Orochimaru and the stunned Sakura. "Who are you? I'd hate to take you down without knowing your name." Orochimaru threw his head back and laughed while Sakura's mouth dropped open.

To the pink-haired kunoichi, something seemed very wrong with Naruto. He was acting much differently then he usually did. Well, different then any of the personalities she'd seen him don before. When Naruto put on the persona he had designated 'The Great One', he was loud and cocky. When he had used the face that called itself 'Stone Cold' to defeat Zabuza, he was… loud and cocky. When he had literally told Ibiki to shut the hell up, he was… loud and cocky. But even though all three of those persona were loud and cocky, they had all still seemed nice. They had all demonstrated fairness, and willingness to abide by the rules, as well as some kind of inner warmth. This one, however, had none of those things. This persona radiated arrogance in addition to a cold air that spoke of a willingness to do anything to win.

Orochimaru, finally done laughing, answered him. "I am Orochimaru, one of your Legendary Sannin." Naruto stiffened up as he heard that, and Orochimaru cackled a bit more. "Does hearing that fill your veins with fear? Does it make you want to run? Well, prey, I'll give you five seconds to get out of my way."

The sannin was so busy laughing that he missed the cold smile settling uncharacteristically on Naruto's face. "Legendary, huh?" he said.

The next thing Orochimaru knew, he was down and eating splinters. As he leapt to his feet again, somehow, two clones appeared behind him. But these clones weren't attacking, no, they were seated behind a huge table and screaming out what was going on. "DDT! DDT!" One screamed out. "Uzumaki connects with a hellacious DDT! That has gotta hurt!"

Orochimaru shook his head, but felt a sturdy hand grasp his hair. He only had enough time to wonder what was happening when he felt an uppercut whistle by his head, allowing the bicep to catch him squarely under the chin. The snake nin went down again, and was much slower to rise this time. But when he did, Naruto was waiting for him once again.

Naruto jumped, spun in the air, and grabbed Orochimaru's head as he plummeted earthward. A front facelock was applied, and both Naruto and Orochimaru plummeted to the earth. Behind them, the clones started screaming again. "UKO! UKO!" One yelled. "That could be the end of this one!"

This time, Orochimaru didn't get enough time to get all the way to his feet. No, he merely got to his hands and knees when Naruto began charging him. Orochimaru had just enough time to see the telltale blue glow of chakra surrounding Naruto's ankle before it connected. Orochimaru flew out of the clearing, unconscious and possibly nursing a concussion. He would end up landing a quarter mile away where Kidomaru and Sakon would find him and pull him to safety.

Meanwhile, Naruto had struck a bizarre pose that seemed to scream 'Look at me! Look at me!' His arms were raised to either side while his head was tilted at a proud, proud angle. The clones finished their commentary by saying "It turns out that after all that hype, Orochimaru was just another legend to fall to Uzumaki Naruto, the Legend Killer!"

Sakura could only watch owlishly as two more clones appeared and used a low level Katon jutsu to summon a waterfall of sparks behind Naruto. Somehow, her teammates strange personality changes just didn't seem that stupid anymore.


	4. Mr Naruto!

A/N: This is one of my personal favorites in the entire story, brought to us by the incomprable Legendary Legacy.

* * *

"Uzumaki Naruto versus Inuzuka Kiba!"

Kiba laughed at his believed good fortune. "Sweet! I just got a free pass to the finals!" The boy and his dog leapt over the railing to the battleground below.

Naruto, for his part, had no retort for Kiba's taught beyond an annoyed glare. His self-restraint quickly caught the attention of his teammates, who began wondering which of Naruto's 'personas' had taken control this time.

Naruto calmly, though arrogantly, walked down the stairway to where Kiba and Hayate were waiting. He stopped a mere five feet away from his opponent and stared, still without saying a word. Kakashi and Sakura were a bit unnerved, as they didn't know of any persona that didn't have some biting or quirky taunt for his opponent before he started fighting.

"Naruto versus Kiba," Hayate repeated, bringing his arm up. "Ready…be-"

Naruto cut him off by raising his own hand toward the proctor in a silencing manner. He gave Hayate a glare of disgust similar to the one he'd given Kiba. Then he raised his other hand above his head.

And a microphone dropped down from the ceiling, which he deftly caught. The lights dimmed and a spotlight appeared on him.

Kakashi and Sakura shared a look of confusion. It appeared Naruto had developed yet another one. But what terrible power would this one have?

Then Naruto spoke in a strong, grandiose voice that simply dripped with self-satisfaction. "Ladiiiies aaaand gentlemeeeen! This next match, is set for one fall! And since there seems to be no one competent enough to do it for me-" He punctuated that with another sneering glance at Hayate. "-please allow me…to introduce myself!"

"Oh come on!" Kiba growled. "Just cut the crap and lets get-"

"I weigh in tonight," Naruto continued, easily overpowering Kiba's voice with his own. "-at an ASTOUNDING ninety-two pounds! I hail…from right here in Konohagakure! I am the man, who is SINGLE-HANDEDLY changing the face of the Chunin Exams! I am..."

He took a very deep breath.

**"MIIIIIIIISTAAAAAA-"**

The force of Naruto's bellowing blew Kiba, Akamaru and Hayate off their feet. Everyone else in the vicinity began clutching their ears in pain.

**"AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR-"**

The arena began to quake. Windows were blown out.

**"RRRR…NARUTOOOOOO!!"**

Out in the Forest of Death, several deadly animals scattered from the resulting shockwave of Naruto's voice.

And then there was silent, and everyone in the area was wondering if they hadn't been rendered completely deaf by Naruto's 'introduction'. Kiba, Akamaru and Hayate slowly sat up, ears ringing and disorientated beyond all reason. And just as they made it to their feet and the first resonances of sound began making themselves heard again…

**"NARUTOOOOOOO!!"** The boy in orange roared again, mere centimeters away from Kiba's face. The vocal blast blew the boy backward several feet and into a total state of defenselessness. Not bothering to release the mic, Naruto stepped forward, wrapped his arm around the front of Kiba's neck, swept his legs out from under him, fell backward and slammed him face-first into the concrete floor. Kiba didn't move.

By the time the on-lookers finally recovered, Hayate had already declared Naruto the winner; not that anyone other than Naruto was able to hear him. And judging by the disgusted look he was giving the older man, he wasn't at all pleased with his lackluster victory announcement. So he lifted the mic to his mouth again.

"Ladiiiees and gentlemeeeen! The winner of the match-"

"Somebody take that damn thing away from him!" Sarutobi pleaded from his seat, hoping to hold onto what already diminished hearing he still had left.

As the rest of the jounin rushed the floor, trying to wrestle the mic away from The Loudmouth, Kakashi and Sakura made a mental note.

_Purchase ear plugs. ASAP._

* * *

A/N pt 2: Alright, I figured I'd let you read that before I post the other part of my A/N. The other part is a minor complaint: I've been getting a fair number of reviews and PMs from people who want this to be a serious story. In a word: No. This will not under any circumstances become a serious story. For one, I can't see how it would be possible. Secondly, over 25 pages of this story are written, and we aren't going back to redo them.

Nothing is preventing you from trying to make a serious version of this. Go wild. I'll applaud the effort.

On a lighter note, I just wanted to let you know that the next part will be all original, and will take us back to the battle on the bridge.

Continuity Note: Mr. Naruto takes place directly after 'Let's Get Ready to Suck It'


	5. For Whom The Bell Tolls

A/N: I honestly meant to post this last week. But, well, I was kinda busy, and it slipped my mind. So now, I welcome you to the next scene in 'Laying the Smackethdown', entitled 'For Whom the Bell Tolls'.

This one was made by... well, me. You guys have a good time with it.

In the Naruto Continuity, this takes place during the Wave Arc. And I was planning on posting this before I started getting reviews asking for this character.

* * *

"He was a true warrior, who was worthy of respect. Honor his sacrifice as you live your last few moments." Haku said, her voice a smooth monotone. After all, she hadn't technically made the Uchiha jump in the way, nor had she even made those two fight her in the first place.

As she prepared to fade back into her mirror, she looked over at Naruto. The blonde was still frozen in place, looking at his seemingly dead comrade. But even as she watched, darkness seemed to enshroud him and his friend. Quickly, Haku finished jumping back into her mirror. After all, if she couldn't see him, who knows what he could be doing?

After a few quick jumps to try and confuse him, she looked back at the battlefield, only to see that the blonde was no longer there, nor was his comrade's body or the dark shroud that had enveloped them both. Instead, two small girls in pretty sundresses were standing, seemingly playing rock-paper-scissors.

"Are you scared?" One asked, as she looked directly at Haku's mirror.

The other one walked over to the mirror before bending over, as if whispering something in Haku's ear. "He's Here."

A strange chant began to echo over the bridge. Haku's head whipped around to the outside of her mirrors where the noise was coming from. Quickly, she counted the men standing there in dark cloaks. There were at least ten of them, all holding torches and chanting in a disturbing fashion.

But that was nothing compared to what was next.

A bit of the mist cleared, showing another cloaked man holding a mallet, standing next to a giant gong.

He smashed the gong, and all hell broke loose.

--

A chill crept up Kakashi's spine. A loud gong tone rang throughout the bridge. 'What is that… that feeling?! Is it the Kyuubi breaking free? No… it's far too sinister for that. I've got to end this quickly.'

"Hey, Zabuza!" he yelled. "We've got to wrap this up!"

--

The gong rang out again.

The chanting continued.

The little girls were telling some sort of nursery rhyme. With a tone that was frightening in its intensity, they cried "We all fall down!"

And then they vanished.

The cloaked men vanished, leaving their torches burning outside the mirrors.

The gong ringer vanished, though the gong itself continued its dark tones.

And he appeared.

His orange jumpsuit was gone, replaced by black. Lots of black. All black. A black shirt, black pants, a black trench coat, and black fingerless gloves, all topped of by a wide-brimmed black hat.

Then Haku stopped paying attention to his clothes and noticed his eyes.

They showed no pupils.

With a roar, Naruto raised his hands, and thunder answered his call.

Lightning struck the bridge, splintering the concrete with its force.

A voice rang out over the darkness and fog that moved to envelop the mist nin.

"So, you think you can take my life. You think you can take the lives of my friends. But you see, son, I can do much more then take your life. I can take it, sure, but why stop there? I can take your heart. I can take your pride. I can take your very _being_. But most importantly, I can take your soul."

"Now, may the gods have mercy on you, for I certainly will not. Now… _Rest… In… Peace…_"

A hand shot out, directly into the mirror, grabbing Haku by the throat. Panicking, she whipped out a needle and moved to stab him with it. But the hardened steel of the senbon just bounced off of his trench coat, which began emitting a soft light.

'Chakra reinforced… but how?" she thought.

With a heave, she was pulled out of her mirror, which dissolved as she left it. Now near hysterics, she reached into her robe pockets and began throwing everything she could at him. Herbs, senbon, fluff, kunai… anything at all, anything to keep this monster that had been a boy away from her!

In her panic, her mask began wobbling.

"I can smell it. Your fear… is like a fine wine. But smelling it is not enough. Hearing it is not enough. I want to see it. I want my eyes to feast upon your fear!"

His other hand shout out like a viper, knocking her mask right off of her face.

There was a pause as he saw her face, remembering the kind girl that he had helped gather herbs for. Then, any hesitation he had had was once again absorbed by determination.

But that instant was enough to distract her from her paralyzing fear, and allowed her to hear a chirping sound heading towards the location she knew Zabuza to be at.

Freezing Naruto's hand, she began to move towards the attack, maybe to intercept, maybe to help him dodge, no one would know for certain.

Especially because Naruto's hand shot out and grabber her by the hair.

"You think you can freeze me? My blood runs cold already!"

With quick movement, he was holding her with her head pointing directly towards the ground. With a kneeling motion, her head smashed into the concrete, with the concrete winning. Haku lay motionless, blood trickling down from her temple. But she was merely unconscious, not dead.

A muffled gasp caught Naruto's attention, and he whipped his head over to look at the location where it came from. Sakura stood there, hands covering her mouth in horrified shock.

Then the gong rang out again, and he vanished, as if he'd never been there.

* * *

A/N: Another quick note: this is Fem!Haku. Usually it wouldn't be important, but she'll probably show up again in at least one more snip.

Look for another scene next week. I have tentativly scheduled one by Ant'Dog to be the main attraction, and it shall be called 'To Be The Man'


	6. It Tolls for Thee

A/N: Here is another scene featuring the one and only Phenom. It takes place during the 1st Round of the Chunin Exams.

This scene is written by "M2J"MandaloianJedi. I encourage you to head over to his profile and check his work out.

* * *

The other contestants, save Neji went up to the waiting area to await their matches.

Genma waited a few minutes before sighing. He had really wanted to see what the Uzumaki kid could do, especially after what the Hyuuga prodigy did to his cousin. It had nothing to do with the fact he had also placed a bet on Naruto to win the match.

After all, if anyone could take out Orochimaru like he did in the Forest of Death, he should be more than capable of dealing with an overly arrogant Hyuuga Genin "Genius". Then, there was the fact that since his Genin Exam, the kid was just damn entertaining. Genma's personal favorite personality was Naruto's "Great One" persona. He had gotten a kick out of watching from the Sandaime's Crystal Ball as "The Uzumaki" verbally tore into the Inuzuka kid.

"Fool must have realized one can not fight against fate," Neji said arrogantly. Genma hoped that someone would put Neji in his place, but the only ones he knew of at this point that might be able to remotely come close were the Uchiha and that Gaara kid.

"Since Uzumaki Naruto has not arrived..." Genma began, before the chime of a bell was heard. The entire arena was then bathed in the purple hue of a black light.

Neji activated his Byakugan and frowned. He did not see the Uzumaki dobe anywhere, nor could his eyes see through the simple lighting genjutsu.

"Hyuuga Neji..." said a deep gravelly voice that boomed around the arena. "Take this time, on the Grandest Stage of them all, to say your last words. If you beg for mercy, I may end things quickly..."

The entire arena felt a chill run down their spines. Uzumaki Naruto had arrived.

"Coward! Show yourself!" demanded Neji.

"Very well..." said Naruto, "Rest... In... Peace..."

A chiming of a bell could be heard again. With the third chime, loud crash of thunder could be heard as the entire arena filled with mist. Chanting voices could be heard as flashes of lightning tore through the sky as the sound of whispers filled their air.

Sakura paled. "N-No..." She shook her head violently to rid herself of her fear.

"Forehead?" Ino asked concernedly.

Gaara's eyes widened in surprise, and he involuntarily took a step back. 'W-What is this... feeling...'

Temari and Kankuro watched as their brother stepped back with an expression on his face they had never seen before, fear.

"Akamaru?" Kiba asked in concern as his canine companion tried to bury himself into Kiba's body. Kiba and Hinata felt the icy cold feeling wash over them. "Th-this feeling... Is it... Killing Intent...?"

"No," said Kotetsu, "That's not killing intent..."

"Then... What...?" Kiba asked shivering.

"Death." answered Izumo.

"He said... He promised... He wouldn't..." Sakura said shakily.

"Sakura-chan?" asked Ino worriedly.

"Ino... I've only felt this one other time... In Wave..." said Sakura hesitantly.

"You mean that mission that got bumped up in rank?" Ino asked, Sakura confirmed with a nod.

"Naruto's... Personalities... He becomes them..." said Sakura.

"What do you mean?"

"Naruto... He just doesn't change the way he acts... He changes his whole being..." said Sakura, "The Great One, Stone Cold, The Heartbreak Nin, The Nature Boy, The Legend Killer... All of them are Naruto, yet separate from him too. They have different strengths and different weaknesses, but deep down... Each of them are still Naruto. Flashy, loud, with a drive to be the absolute best..." Sakura took a deep breath and looked at Ino. "All of them come from the same basic mold... Sure, Stone Cold's more brutal than the others, and the Legend Killer has a certain lack of respect that surpasses even Naruto, and has even less honor... But... THIS one... The Phenom... He... He's not like the others..."

"He's not flashy, he's not loud, honor has no meaning to him, and he has powers and capabilities that none of the others have," Sakura went on, "He's an unstoppable force. Cold, ruthless and terribly efficient. He knows no mercy and terrifies even Naruto."

A bolt of lightning struck the door of the Arena and the massive portal swung open.

"He's here!" shouted a high pitched, somewhat whiny voice, "He has rose from the grave!"

There was the chiming of a bell as a fat Naruto walked in carrying an urn. The chanting got louder and torches could be seen through the mist. The fat Naruto stopped several feet in front of the entrance to the arena before dramatically facing the entrance, holding the urn high in the air.

Two columns of robed figures carrying torches followed him positioning themselves at either side of him. The chanting got louder as the bells chimed. In the distance organ music could be heard playing a mournful tune as the torch bearing figures entered. The bell chimes stopped. The organ music gradually got louder as six robed figures carried in a coffin. Neji attempted the see through the coffin, but found he could not.

The Hyuuga prodigy remained on guard as the procession made their way. The six robed figues set the coffin gently down in front of Neji before stepping away, kneeling while facing the coffin. The intricately designed wooden box opened slowly on its own accord.

However instead of body of Naruto that was supposed to be lying there, it was Neji. Neji had thought it a simple henge or an illusion until he checked with the Byakugan. What he saw, shocked him to his very core. The figure inside was definitely a deceased human body. Not only that, but there was no chakra anywhere inside or near the body. It was not an illusion, nor was it one of the dobe's Kage Bunshin under Henge. What Neji was actually seeing was his own body lying in a casket.

Neji backed away trembling slightly. He and many others jumped when the body suddenly sat up and glared at him. The pupiless eyes of the Byakugan filled with malice and hatred, as the organ music reached its climax, when everything went dark.

'The Bringer of Darkness Technique...?' thought Sarutobi astoundedly, "How...?"

Neji, meanwhile was trying to dispel the genjutsu, "KAI!"

Suddenly the arena became well lit again. Every stared at the arena with wide-eyed expressions. The coffin was empty, but Naruto was now right behind Neji, wearing a black wide rimmed hat and a black trenchcoat. Underneath he wore a tight sleeveless orange shirt and black pants, with black fingerless leather gloves. The scene was horrifying as Naruto had an expression of absolute hatred and loathing on his face, his teeth bared, and his eyes rolled up into his head.

Naruto reached up and tapped Neji on his shoulder. The Hyuuga prodigy turned swiftly, only to get a punch to the face. Naruto than began to pummel Neji with his powerful fists. The mournful tune of the organ music had faded out and the robed figures were dispelled when the first hit connected with Neji's unprotected face.

After a vicious right hook, Neji was sent sprawling away from Naruto.

Neji sat in dazed confusion. He looked up fearfully at Naruto who was looking at him in disgust.

"Where is that 'Fate' that you so desperately cling to?" asked Naruto, "Has it forsaken you? I was hoping for a challenge, instead I got a scarred puppy who is trying to play with the biggest dog in MY yard."

Neji got up and with incredible speed charged at Naruto. Naruto was able to block the initial strike and retaliated with a strike of his own. Despite Neji's superior skill in taijutsu with his Jyuuken style of fighting, it still seemed as if Naruto with his brawler style was still winning as the blonde Genin knocked Neji back with a few more powerful strikes.

Neji looked at Naruto astoundedly. It was like his Jyuuken had no effect on the blonde Genin, who had lost his hat in the exchange. Naruto then barred his teeth at Neji and slid his right hand across his throat.

'There!' Neji thought. "You are within range of my divination! Hakke Rokujuuyon Shou (Eight Trigrams Sixty Four Palms)!"

Before Naruto could move, Neji was already unleashing one of the Hyuuga Main Houses' advanced jutsus, much to the astonishment of the audience, the Hyuuga especially, as Neji was a member of the Branch House.

The final strike hit Naruto in the chest, over his heart. Naruto was laid out flat on his back.

"Proctor. It's over," said Neji with a smug look. "I'll admit he caught me off guard, but as was fated, I was victorious." As Neji turned his back to Naruto, the said Genin sat up, seemingly unaffected by Neji's assault. He stood up and raised his hand into the air.

The crowd was going ballistic.

Neji turned to see what had gotten them riled up. When he did, Naruto grabbed him by his throat. Neji struggled, but could not release himself from Naruto's tight grip. Suddenly Neji found himself hoisted into the air, Naruto was still gripping his throat tightly. After a few seconds, Naruto slammed Neji into the ground.

Neji's back exploded in pain as he writhed on the ground.

Naruto grabbed Neji by the hair and hit him with a devastating left. Neji was dazed on his knees, but was sent back to the ground as Naruto followed up with a powerful right.

Naruto then hoisted Neji up, positioning Neji's head between his legs. He grabbed the back of Neji's shirt roughly and slide his hand around his throat once more. Whatever Naruto had planned, it was the end game.

"Kaiten!" suddenly Neji started to expel a large amount of chakra and knocked Naruto away as he began to spin rapidly. Once more, Neji awed the audience with his intimate knowledge of forbidden Hyuuga technique.

'Incredible... Even without instruction, he was not only able to learn and master the Hakke Rokujuuyon Shou, but the _**Hakke Kaiten **_(Eight Trigrams Heavenly Spin) as well...' thought Hiashi.

Neji's stance then changed. It looked like the one he used to initiate the 64 palms, yet it was slightly different. "You are within range of my Divination!"

Naruto was slightly dazed and was trying to stand.

"_**Hakke Hyakunijuuhachi Shou**_ (Eight Trigrams One Hundred Twenty Eight Palms)!" the audience went into a stunned silence.

'Impossible...!' thought Hiashi.

"Naruto-kun! Naruto!" shouted Hinata and Sakura in two separate parts of the stadium.

Neji became a blur of motion, moving at twice the speed he had shown with the Sixty Four Palms. "Two strikes! Four Strikes! Eight Strikes! Sixteen Strikes! Thirty Two Strikes! Sixty Four Strikes! One Hundred Twenty Eight Strikes!"

Not only did Neji hit twice as many tenketsu points in half the time, but he had attacked Naruto with such force that chakra could be seen exiting through his body. It looked grim for the blonde Jinchuuriki as the final two strikes pierced his heart as Neji poked Naruto's chest rather forcefully with his left hand, followed by a vicious Jyuuken palm strike. Naruto fell onto his back once more.

"I-is... Is he... Dead...?" Ino asked Sakura hesitantly.

"N-No way... He.. He can't be..." Sakura said in a dazed state.

"N...Naru... to... kun..." whispered a trembling Hinata as Kiba pulled her close to comfort the girl.

"It's over. He decided to fight against fate and paid the price," said Neji tiredly.

As Neji turned to leave he noticed the fat urn bearer looking smug and pointing behind him. Neji looked back towards Naruto, only to see the thought dead Genin to sit up. Again.

"N-No... Wha-What are you...?" asked Neji trembling with fear.

"I am the fear that dwells in your mind, I am the hatred of your heart, your malice. Hyuuga Neji, I am the Lord of Darkness and there's not a damn thing you can do about it!" Naruto said, "Give up, Hyuuga Neji. Beg, plead for the mercy you didn't show Hinata. I will enjoy listening to your squeals of pain, and your screams of agony."

"No! Fate has declared that I shall be the victor today! There is no way some worthless dobe will defeat me!" shouted Neji as he flew into a blind rage, charging Naruto.

Neji went for a powerful Jyuuken strike to Naruto's head, but the Blonde Jinchuuriki ducked under Neji's offence and grabbed Neji around the waist, flipping him upside down. Naruto then went to his knees, slamming Neji's head into the ground with enough force to leave a small crater.

Neji had been knocked into unconsciousness, laying flat on his back. Naruto crossed Neji's arm across his chect and rolled his eyes into the back of his head as he opened him mouth and stuck out his tongue.

Naruto then stood, Neji was still unconsious at his feet. The urn bearer then approached Naruto and the two conversed for a bit. The urn bearer pointed towards the coffin and then raised his arms up and flung them back down. Naruto then looked at Neji and then to the coffin.

Naruto then roughly grabbed Neji and dragged him to the coffin. Facing the coffin, Naruto positioned Neji's head between his legs again, wrapped his arms around the Hyuuga's waist, lifting him up into the air, onto his shoulders. Naruto then slightly lifted Neji off his shoulders and slammed him down into the casket with such force that the coffin closed.

The stadium was in complete and utter shock. Not only had Uzumaki Naruto defeated Hyuuga Neji, but he completely dominated him.

"Winner... Uzumaki Naruto..." said Genma in amazement and a bit of fear as well. After all, a person who could take that many Jyuuken strikes as if they were nothing was a very dangerous man indeed.

The fat Naruto looked on with glee, celebrating his champion's victory, as Naruto kneeled down next the to coffin. When he did so, a bell chimed and the arena was bathed in the black light once more, as Naruto raised his right hand to the heavens, looking up at the sky, his eyes rolled in the back of his head. The organ music from earlier could be heard and six robed figures appeared as they had earlier and carried the coffin out of the arena. The urn bearer followed them triumphantly as Naruto stood in the center of the arena, putting his hat back on.

Lightning and thunder could be heard and the wind picked up a bit, mist covering the arena once more. Naruto raised his arms slowly and two bolts of lightning seared through the air, striking the exact spot Naruto stood. There was an explosion and Uzumaki Naruto was gone. The Arena, with the exception of damage done by the one sided battle between Naruto and Neji, was back to its original state.

A/N: And that's the final scene we have involving Taker. Next week, we go back to our regularly scheduled randomness.


	7. Wooo!

A/N: You know, I was planning on posting this saturday. I really was. But, well, some inspiration for something kinda attacked me (If you're a regular reader of mine, you're going to be happy soon), and I forgot all about it.

This snippit takes place during the first round of the chunin exams. As if you couldn't tell.

It is written by the fabulous Ant'Dog once again. Enjoy!

* * *

Trembling, Sakura raised her hand to bow out of the tenth question when -

"Wooooo!" Naruto stood up slowly. When he raised his head, Ibiki was surprised to see a calm expression on his face instead of the panicked or hostile glare the proctor was expecting.

Elsewhere in the room Chouji sighed happily and opened up another bag of chips, settling in to enjoy the show. He had no idea what was coming next, but when Naruto got 'special' loud like this it was always entertaining.

"You think that you can scare us like that? Scare **me?** I've been in this business long enough to know that I can't give up on my dreams just like that. I won't! Do you know who I am? Do you?! I'm the 'Nature Boy' Uzumaki Naruto! 16-time Ichiraku's Customer of the Month! You expect me to run and hide from a piddly little statement like that? Me, the dirtiest player in the game? Wooooo!"

Naruto grinned as the gathered chuunin looked around wildly at his declaration of being 'The Dirtiest Player in the Game.' If he'd known that cheating was the point before the exam he could've set something up sooner to back up his claim, but just bluffing it to make the examiners sweat was fun too. He started to talk faster now, becoming more and more animated as he continued.

"All of you here," Naruto looked around at the crowd of genin, "All of you here want to make chuunin. All of you here want to be the best. All of you here want to be... the man! Wooo! Well, right now, you're LOOKING at the man. And I'm... not... going... ANYWHERE! If you want to be the man, you have to beat the man! Wooo!"

"So bring on your tenth question! Wooo! Hell, bring on a hundred more! Wooo! I'll never give up, not for ten, a hundred, a million questions! Wooo!  
"You're not- Wooo!- going to beat me like that! Wooo! If you want me to quit this exam, you can pull my hitai-ate – Wooo!- from my cold, dead corpse because that is the **ONLY WAY **–Wooo!- that you will **EVER** –Wooo!- get me to stop going forward and becoming Hokage! Wooooooo!"

"Wooooo!" Heads turned to look at the source of the echo. Blushing until her face matched her hair Sakura sat back down, grinning sheepishly. _But that is pretty damn catchy!_

_D-darn it, Sakura-san,_ thought a miffed Hinata, _th-that should've been me backing up my Nature, er, N-Naruto-kun!_

"So 'Nature Boy,' are you done yet?" asked an irritated Ibiki. Looking around the room, he sensed that no one else would raise their hand. _78 genin. 78! Mitarashi's gonna have a field day with this._

"Very well," he roared, "the rest of you here… PASS!" Ibiki started to explain the purpose of the tenth question to the assembled genin, but they were too busy watching Naruto bounce off the wall and strut in an orange feathered robe _-the hell? Was he wearing that when he came in?-_ right up to an examiner. Naruto shouted, "Woooooo!" right in the flinching man's face, and this time more than a few of the assembled shinobi took up the cry.

Scowling, Morino Ibiki rubbed his scarred and pitted head. He felt a doozy of a headache coming on. He respected the Hokage greatly….

… but if Sarutobi ever asked him to proctor another exam Ibiki would stab his eyes out with a red-hot poker first.


	8. Hello, Ladies!

A/N: Here we are, once again, to observe the limitless insanity brought on by Wrestling Naruto. Remember, Laying the Smackethdown is a community project. That means you (YES YOU!) can help out if you want. A complete collection of all the scenes done are at The Fanfiction Forum, run by Hawk. If you want to help out, head over there and check it out. Link's in my profile.

Todays snippit is brought to you by the letter V. V is many things, such as the first letter in the author of this snippit's penname. Take three guesses on who that is. There are other reasons it is sponsered by the letter V, but... well, read and find out.

Naruto sat in the tree hollow, racking his brains. Sakura was doing nothing but fawning over Sasuke, and she seemed to be counting on him to protect them both if something else happened. Not that he would have done otherwise anyway, but it kinda grated on him to be taken for granted. Well, he'd worry about that later. Right now, he needed to think of a new persona from his tapes to help him out.

The Legend Killer had worked surprisingly well, but Naruto wasn't under any delusions that it wouldn't have been otherwise if Orochimaru had paid the slightest bit of attention to him. Besides, it took a lot to get him worked up enough to assume that persona, no matter how strong it was. So he would need something different for a new attacker.

The Great One and The Rattlesnake would need to be saved for emergencies, and the Deadman? After what happened in wave, with him almost killing Haku, he didn't want to chance the deadman for a while. Maybe Sakura could give him an idea. "Hey, Sakura!" he said quietly to get her attention. She paid no attention to him, her concentration on Sasuke too deep to be broken with just that. "Hey, Sakura!" he said, a bit louder. Still, nothing.

After a few more fruitless tries, his volume steadily increasing each one, Naruto finally got up and waved his hand in front of her face. "Hello?" he asked. "Is anyone in there? Hello!" Sakura started, and looked up.

"Sorry, Naruto." She said. "I'm just really tired right now. What do you…" she trailed off as she looked up at Naruto, who had just gotten the strangest look on his face. He waved her off, giving the universal 'never mind' gesture, and walked off a bit. Sakura shrugged. Naruto, after all, would be Naruto, and after his demonstration of his persona, she didn't really want to change that. But he really was confusing at the moment, wandering around their clearing and muttering 'Hello'.

An hour later, they were attacked. Not by Orochimaru again, thank Kami, but by another trio of genin. Naruto's eyes narrowed as he examined them. There was a boy who was wrapped in bandages, another one who was just plain strange looking, and… 'Yes!" he cried mentally. 'A girl! A hot girl! This'll work!' The three genin approached slowly, testing the area for traps as they went along. But they stopped as Naruto strode confidently out of the hollow wearing a towel.

At the sight, Zaku couldn't help but laugh. "Look!" he snorted to his comrades. "We caught them while he was taking a bath! He's got no equipment, and he doesn't have that many jutsu, so Dosu! Let's get em!" The bandage wrapped gennin and the strange one charged, howling for blood. But Naruto stopped them with a few words.

In a low voice, he said "Hello, Ladies!" In a moment of confusion, the two skidded to a halt, looking at Naruto like he was insane. Naruto shook his head. "Not you two. Her." He nodded at Kin, who turned bright red despite herself. "Now that I have your attention, let me show you what a real man can do!" Slowly, his hands slid downward toward his towel.

The two aggressive sound genin began to chuckle, and it soon turned to full blown laughter. "Zaku, this little bitch thinks that nudity will scare us." The bandaged nin began an exaggerated act of what he thought Naruto was going for. "Oh no! Please don't get naked! Looking at your pathetic body will make my eyes bleed!"

Ignoring them, Naruto continued with his towel. He whipped it off, revealing that he was in fact wearing his boxers, and threw the towel towards the two cackling sound nin. Zaku caught it absentmindedly, and continued his laughter. But a hissing sound from the towel clued him in to the fact that they had a problem. Sure enough, Naruto had turned his towel into a warm, fluffy, active explosive note. The ensuing detonation set the two flying, their heads connecting solidly with trees.

After checking to make sure that they wouldn't be a threat anymore, Naruto looked over at Kin, who was still paralyzed with shock and awe where she stood. "And that's what a real man can do!" he said with a smile. That broke Kin out of her daze, and she looked over at Naruto appreciatively.

"I think we're going to be good friends." The sound kunoichi practically purred.

Still looking on from the hollow, Sakura tried in vain to get her mouth to close. 'But you can't make anything but paper into explosive notes!' she thought. She had no rebuttal, though, when Inner Sakura said '**It looks like no one ever bothered to tell Naruto that.'**


	9. EhEh!

A/N: I've had it, I just forgot about it.

* * *

Kakashi breathed out a sigh as he looked at his mobile genin team. Sasuke had acquitted himself well against the demon brothers, making it so both of them were damaged before Kakashi came out from hiding to stop them. Sakura had frozen, which was only to be expected. After all, it was her first real combat. Naruto, however… Naruto was the one that Kakashi was worried about.

He glanced over at his troubling genin as the blonde strolled along next to Tazuna. If you had asked, and forced an answer out of, Kakashi before hand, he would have pegged Naruto as the frozen type. But, no, when the Demon Brothers attacked, all Naruto had done was continue walking while his entourage protected Tazuna. It was like Naruto was too absorbed in that notebook of his to notice that his life was in mortal danger!

And that entourage… it was very, very odd. Kakashi had known people who used Kage Bunshin his entire life. He had seen the Third Hokage create a platoon of them to slay an Iwa battalion in the last war. He'd seen Hayate use them when he was sparring with himself. But never had Kakashi seen them be used for this. Three clones were lugging around what seemed to be a large pane of glass, while another five were practicing with various instruments that hung around their necks. To add to the strangeness, two more clones dressed up like pictures of a cowboy and a king were following along, talking loudly. Kakashi was actually struggling not to hear them.

"That was a great match, King." The cowboy one said, talking to absolutely no one. "In case you just joined us, you missed a hell of a match. Uchiha and Hatake managed to triumph over the devastating Demon Brothers in Tag Team action!"

"It really was something!" The royal clone replied. "But it was nothing compared to what we have in store for you next! In the main event, the one and only Konoha Rattlesnake, Uzumaki Naruto, will go one on one with a mystery opponent!"

Kakashi shook his head, hoping that whatever Naruto had wasn't contagious. But as he tried to clear his head, his keen hearing picked up the whistle of a blade through the air. "Get down!" he yelled as he dove, pulling Tazuna with him. All the others hit the dirt, even the clones, just in time to avoid a giant sword coming at their heads. With a thunk, the blade bit deep into a tree.

The mysterious attacker appeared on the flat of blade, looking over his shoulder at the ninja on the ground. "Heh, heh, heh." He chuckled. But before he could continue his monologue, the clones dressed like the king and cowboy sat down in newly-appeared chairs.

"And the opponent has arrived!" The cowboy screamed. The three clones carrying the glass grabbed large hammers out of their back pockets, and, as one, smashed through the thick pane. As the sound of breaking glass reverberated throughout the area, the five clones with instruments began their hasty song. And Naruto, the real one, leapt at Zabuza, knocking the surprised missing nin off of his perch.

"Thesz press!" the cowboy yelled as Naruto landed on the missing nin and began to pound his face repeatedly. "He's beating the holy hell out of him, King! Which will break first, this guy's head or Uzumaki's hand?" The clone's questions was answered as Zabuza, now showing blood through his face wrappings, powered to his feet, throwing Naruto off.

"Brat!" Zabuza screamed, rage and violence echoing in his voice. "I don't think you know who you're dealing with! But it's time to show you!" With a snarl, he drew his sword out of the tree. The huge blade moved at speeds the defied its size, edge whistling toward the spot where Naruto had been seconds before. But Naruto was already too close for the blade to hit him.

"EH-EH!" Naruto yelled, and raised his two middle fingers in proud salute. A kick to Zabuza's gut followed, which was finished by one of the most dangerous moves in Naruto's arsenal. "STUNNER!" One of the clones screamed. "STUNNER! Uzumaki connects with the Stone Cold Stunner!" Indeed, Zabuza was flying backwards, flopping around like a fish out of water.

Naruto began celebrating, but it was too soon. Zabuza, who had recovered too quickly for Naruto's taste, took another swing with his blade. If Kakashi hadn't interrupted the strike, it would have taken Naruto through the middle. As Naruto watched Kakashi and Zabuza square off, he could only think that his stunner needed a bit more practice.


End file.
